“The Perfect Mom” – Guest Post by Katie Maulucci

I’m delighted to have Katie Maulucci guest posting for us!  I’ve only spoken with her in person once– but in just those few minutes spent with her, I realized what a special person she is.  Katie is wife to Nick Maulucci and mom to 10 boys + 2 girls! They are missionaries in Bulgaria, but we had the pleasure of meeting them last year while they were in the states.

You will be challenged and encouraged by Katie’s thoughts in this article. I’ve included some pictures of her lovely family at the end of the post.  Enjoy!

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As a mom in my early twenties, I knew it all; if you had asked me any question about child rearing back then, you would have had all the keys to success for raising the perfect children! I really believed then that life was black and white. Logically spelled out for any who were willing to discover exactly what to do and how to do it.

“I was determined to do all the right things, all the right ways.”

As a result of this mindset, when we had our first child, I was determined to do all the right things, all the right ways. I had my college degree in Marriage and Motherhood; I’d searched and studied; I had a plan. And I was going to do everything right. In my logical mind, there was a right way and a wrong way, and if I could figure out the right way to do–well, everything– then I could be the perfect mom and raise the perfect kids. Right??

Right. If I was Jesus. And that was just my problem; I was playing Jesus while often completely leaving Jesus out. I had methods and plans, schedules and discipline, menus and bathtimes, reading hours and “church practice”.  But I was missing Jesus. I was doing a lot of good things in Jesus’ name.  I was working and training, still blessed with grace from our gracious Father, but wandering along in human strength that failed me constantly. I was consumed with training the perfect children to perform perfectly to reflect back on me–the perfect mom in my perfect little world I had created.

“The perfect mom in my perfect little world I had created.”

My motives were good; I desperately wanted our children to serve God with their hearts and lives (still do!).  I poured everything I could into this goal, from strict bedtimes to cleaning chores to constant reading and teaching of Proverbs and memorizing of Scripture. Good things, lots of good things. Yeah, even spiritual things, one may say. But at the end of the day, it was the pride of my heart that drove me. It was what motivated me the most. It was what left me feeling guilty when I failed and what horrified me when our children failed to be the perfect displays I had desired to create. It was pride. I had become, practically speaking, a wonderful and most devoted, Pharisee. A follower and lover of the law, and that was my security and my strength. And this, more than my methods and my knowledge, more than my routines and my character training, was being fed into the hearts and minds of our children. A religion, in a word. A way of life that was good and moral and holy…but it all depended on me.

“…it all depended on me.”

Thankfully, over time and through the preaching and teaching of God’s Word (I have a GREAT pastor ;), God began to show me that my strength and power, no matter what it was driving me to do, was completely meaningless as long as I was depending on me. I may be able to manipulate certain behaviors, keep a peaceful house, put healthy food into little bodies, do a lot of really good deeds–but if my children’s hearts (and mine) are not constantly aware that Jesus is the One Who allows all of these blessings and graces, and that it is for His glory that we should do anything and everything that we do, well, then it’s just rote. Religion. No better than the Pharisees. And if there is any people group Jesus focused His wrath and disgust on, well, read for yourself. John 8 is a good start.
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My only concern in writing this is that some young mothers may take it and “throw out the baby with the bath water”, so to speak, focusing all on grace and letting the tough work of the every day go by the way side. And it is tough, no doubt!! Let me say that I am still a firm believer in routine, schedule, discipline, authority, obedience, teaching character, being good citizens. Goodness, God knows we need more parents getting back to Bible values in rearing children these days. It is the hardest of jobs, and may God give us all extra strength as parents to focus on His Word and His ways with our families. But for me the whole focus has changed.

“For me the whole focus has changed.”

It’s no longer what I am doing, not even why I’m doing what I do, but Who is doing it through me. The pressure to be something I was continuously failing at is gone; the joy in knowing I am accepted in the beloved is in its place. Rather than lying in bed at night recounting all the things I did not complete on my almighty “to do” list, I can accept my humanity and know that tomorrow is another day, if the Lord wills, to get to work again. It’s all up to Him; I can rest in that. And that rest is the sweetest and most peaceful of rests.

Young mother, fighting to do the very best for your children, your family, your God, may I tell you that as a child of God you are already enough in Jesus today? He gave your children to you, not so that you can create perfect specimens of the most amazing of training— but so that through your flaws and weaknesses, your flesh and your sin, you can look to Jesus again and again, realizing that only He can bring something good out of them. The good that He is, the good that is Jesus. And He’s willing to use you to do that! What an honor and a privilege, and an awesome responsibility!

They say that as parents much more is caught than taught; wouldn’t it be the greatest thing in the world for our children to leave our homes thinking,”Well, my mom wasn’t perfect, but she taught me to depend on Jesus for everything”. Keep on, young mother, keep working and teaching and training, but lean on His strength for all of it, and know that He is enough.

“Know that He is enough.”

Lamentations 3:21-23

“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”