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“Dear Momma, You Are Only As Good As You Are With God.”
I am the oldest of eight kids and have a natural bent toward organization and administration. I loved those days as an older teen when my mom would go grocery shopping and leave me in charge of my siblings. In my mind it was like a personal challenge to see how well I could organize, delegate, and get things done before Mom got back. I loved it! (I’m not sure how much my siblings did! 😉 ) Not only did I enjoy the logistical side of caring for a household, but I enjoyed the kids too. To this day, one of my favorite things is to be home at the same time as all of my siblings (which gets a lot harder now that we all live far away.) They are some of my best friends. As much as I loved being a part of our big family, I longed to have one of my own.
When I married my best friend at age 23 and moved into our first home, I was excited to be starting our own family. Ten months after we were married, our first child was born. Over the last 9 years of marriage, the Lord has blessed Justin and me with 3 sweet girly-girls and 1 rootin’ tootin’ cowboy who is just that, a cowBOY! Motherhood has been amazing. Amazingly NOT what I expected and NOT what I thought I was so well prepared for.
“Amazingly NOT what I expected and NOT what I thought I was so well prepared for.”
It didn’t take me long to discover that there is a whole lot more to motherhood than feeding and clothing children and smoothly running a busy household. My admiration for my mother sky-rocketed, while my sense of defeat and lack of fulfillment deepened. I used to daydream about these days of early motherhood. I pictured myself washing dishes by the open kitchen window. The light breeze would carry in the gentle sound of birds chirping. I would look down at my pregnant tummy and bare feet while my toddlers played quietly in the background… STOP. That was daydreaming. Have I done those things in real life?
Absolutely, but it looks more like this…
I do stand at the kitchen sink washing dishes, (quite a lot actually) but not so serenely as I imagined. No one ever told me that my shirt would be soaked and my back aching from bending over in an effort to reach the faucet. No one ever explained that those bare feet wouldn’t even look like feet because they were so swollen. As for the sound of birds gently floating in on that summer breeze, I can’t hear them, because my toddlers are fussing over a toy. I guess in reality, no one can truly prepare you for the challenges of real, adult life can they? I mean, my parents did a tremendous job equipping me with the tools to take into marriage and motherhood, but I had to actually put those tools into use myself. Unfortunately, my pride got in the way, and instead of using those tools and asking for help, I just tried harder.
“Unfortunately, my pride got in the way, and instead of using those tools and asking for help, I just tried harder.”
Some of my greatest regrets are those sleepless nights when I chose to quietly begrudge my husband his sleep. I should have chosen joy and given thanks for this precious child in my arms, and the strength that God was offering, to carry me through those nights. I regret the days when I survived the mountain of laundry, wet sheets and diaper blowouts, instead of thriving on the grace that God was offering me. Granted, some days when you have a newborn and a few toddlers you are surviving from diaper change to meal, to naptime, etc… but my attitude didn’t need to be one of “survival.” I am a very self-sufficient person. The raw truth is that I pride myself in my ability to push through and carry on no matter what the difficulty. No weakness here!
As Joni Eareckson Tada once said, “God’s power always shows up best in weakness.” The truth is that I was not giving God the opportunity to show me His power through my weakness, and therefore He was not being glorified. Sadly, it took me several years of motherhood and four children to finally admit that I couldn’t do it on my own. After several big moves (for a girl who lived in the same area for most of her life that was a big deal!) first away from family, and then away from friends who had become like family, and then again away from more friends…I wasn’t feeling so strong. Add to that homeschooling and your husband working 75-80 hours a week and you have a momma who is worn out and not very joyful. I regret missing out on so many opportunities to see God show His strength— to see Him glorified through my weakness.
Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there.
Praise the Lord it won’t end tomorrow either, because I will still fail…daily! The difference is that, by God’s grace, I am asking Him for help. He is teaching me to make time for Him. No, it’s not convenient, and that 30 minute quiet time is not a fix-all for my day. But that’s where it starts.
In her book, “A Place of Quiet Rest”, Nancy Leigh DeMoss says, “Jesus knew that any power or ability He had to minister to others, was due to the fact that He was ‘one with the Father.’ He knew it was essential for Him to stay connected to His Father for that was His Source of life, joy, power, peace, and fruitfulness.” If Jesus needed this, then I most certainly do!
A mom shared with me that she makes her “priority list” the night before. I have found this to be extremely helpful. I put my quiet time with God right at the top of the list, because it forces me to stop and think every time I skip over that box. Granted, there are many very important and urgent tasks for a mom of young children. The poopy diaper has to be changed now and the kids need to be fed and cared for, now. But before I go around making sure everyone’s bedrooms are straightened up for the day, or even before I wash the breakfast dishes, I have to stop and ask myself what is more important. Which do I need more, clean dishes or starting the day with my power source?
So, dear Momma, you are only as good as you are with God. We need Him, desperately. Our precious kids need to see Him in our responses to the spilled juice or the neatly folded laundry that just got dumped over. They need to see Jesus when the bed is wet again or when Momma can’t go somewhere because the little guy is sick. They need to hear Jesus’ joy and peace in our voices when we are correcting selfishness for the 100th time (ok, I couldn’t come up with a big enough number for that one.) Mommas, they need to see and hear us admit that we are weak, because that is when God will show Himself strong.
Go to Him. Humble yourself and ask Him be your power source. He is enough and His joy is real.
“In Your presence is fullness of joy. In your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11
Sarah says
May 10, 2018 at 9:55 pmI love making lists. I’ve realized there is a difference between stuff I need to get done and want to get done.
Elaine McDonnell says
May 17, 2018 at 2:08 amSure enjoyed this article!
Very, very good.