Creating a Peaceful Home

Recently I was reminded that part of a mother’s job is to create a peaceful and joyful atmosphere in the home. I began thinking through the practical aspects of that, noting which things I’ve learned and made a habit over the years, and which areas I needed to work on.

I’m sharing my list of both what we do and what we are working on in our home here today in hopes that it will be an encouragement to you ladies, and especially the young moms, in creating the beautiful atmosphere of home that we pictured BEFORE we had a home of our own. It’s easy to be idealistic, but less easy to faithfully implement these things on a daily basis.

I would recommend taking 1-2 ideas from this list to work on in your home for a few weeks. Once you have those down you can continue adding in more. If you try to do them all at once you won’t be able to make them strong habits, and may end up giving up on the whole idea. So pick a couple that you can start today and make a conscious effort in those specific areas.

All of these can fit into two categories “Environmental” or “Physical/Relational”. Some are both.

1. Tidy Times

Early on with three toddlers in a small apartment I learned the importance of “tidy times” throughout the day. Toddlers should be allowed to scatter toys, pull books off shelves to sit amongst and feast their eyes on the words and pictures, and explore the kitchen cupboards while mama makes meals, but this can quickly turn a house upside down and make each and every room feel chaotic. Our “tidy times” include everyone stopping their current activity and all of us engaging in tidying the house together. Books go back on shelves, dishes get washed, toys are put back, and sometimes we even fold laundry. It lasts anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on how crazy the house has gotten. We do this right after breakfast, mid-afternoon, and sometime in the hour before daddy arrives home from work.

2. Music

We like to play sacred music in the morning (Abiding Radio is our favorite) and classical (Mozart) in the afternoon during quiet time. For awhile I kept forgetting to turn the music on, so we solved this by adding it to the kids’ daily chore list. Caleb is now responsible for turning on music each morning and this has made us much more consistent in this area.

During quiet time we play classical music on low volume. I’ve actually noticed that the atmosphere that Mozart music specifically creates is one of focus and the kids read for a longer period when I play Mozart vs when I do not turn it on. Try it sometime!

3. Order/Routine

You don’t have to schedule every 15 minutes of the day, in fact I don’t recommend that, especially with little ones! But having a general routine, an expectation of how the day will go, does a lot for how smoothly the days go. We certainly believe in playtime and creative free play, but structure to our days has made all of us happier and more productive.

4. Conversations & Tone

What we say and how we say it matters to the overall atmosphere of our home. Speaking in calm, sweet tones to our children promotes a loving environment and helps them learn how to speak sweetly.

Listen to your children speak and notice WHAT they are saying as well. Replace phrases that are demanding or unkind with more thoughtful phrases. When they say something that doesn’t sound kind, say, “Oh, we don’t talk like that. How can you say that nicer?” then give them a replacement phrase to use, making sure to model it for them with a sweet tone.

Here are some examples:

“I want more food,” replace with “May I have more food?”

“Give me my toy, ” replace with “May I have my toy, please?”

“I’m hungry, ” replace with, “Could I have a snack?”

You will have to listen to what your kids are saying and teach them the better way to say these things. Teach them not only what words to use, but model the tone for them as well so they learn to be pleasant in how they ask for things.

Having peaceful & joyful communication in our home is both us making a habit of speaking kindly to our children, AND teaching them to speak kindly to one another. It takes time and patience, but is well worth the effort!!

5. Touch

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I will be the first to admit that this did not come naturally to me. Hugs and hand holds and snuggling are not in my nature at all. Because I adore being a mother, a lot of people might assume that being “motherly” came easily to me. This was not the case. I didn’t cry when my first baby was handed to me, or think heavily about my new responsibility as a parent as I drove him home from the hospital like people always talk about. I was excited–I loved him–but the flood of motherly feelings didn’t come right away. He slept in his own room and I scheduled his feedings and naps. Looking back, I realize that I just wasn’t very motherly yet.

This changed for me over time and I grew more and more motherly as each baby was added to our family. Now snuggling and hugging and back rubbing feels as normal as breathing to me. My point in telling you all this is that just because physical touch isn’t your love language does not mean you shouldn’t work on this habit. In fact, I would say if it doesn’t come naturally to you, it is more imperative that you start working on it today!

Kids NEED little hugs and high fives throughout the day. They need that little arm squeeze or pat as they pass by us in the kitchen. It gives them a sense of love and belonging. So much of our time is spent in training and teaching our children, so we better make sure we balance that with loving words and loving touch. A hand hold, an arm around their shoulder, a hug, a snuggle, sitting close together on the couch while you read, holding both their hands in yours and looking into their eyes when they’re telling you about something… those are just a few of the ways you can add joyful moments to your home.

6. Facial Expression

This goes hand in hand with touch, but it is different. Do you smile at your children? Do you greet them in the morning with a happy face that lets them know, “I’m glad to see you!”

Sometimes in the busyness of life we can be so focused on what we have to get done today that we literally forget to smile and laugh with our children. Just think about it as you go about your day tomorrow. Ask yourself how often you look right into their eyes and smile at them.

Joyful mamas raise joyful children. Make laughter a part of every day in your home!

7. Read to them

The benefits of reading are innumerable. Besides being a way to close gaps in learning, helping them fall in love with stories and words, building up their vocabulary, exposing them to art, and helping them learn about other cultures, history and heroism– reading is a way to connect with our children on a relational level. When they sit in our laps and hear the stories in our own voice there are feelings of warmth and memories created that can not be replaced by anything else. I won’t stay long on this subject, but just know that studies have been done and many books have been written on the subject of reading aloud to your children and all the ways it creates joy and belonging.

If you’re not in the habit of reading picture books to your children, just start with 2-3 books a day. It’s easy. Choose a time when you will read so you can be consistent. Right after breakfast, or before bedtime, or after lunch. It doesn’t matter when, so long as you do it!

8. Play WITH them

This is one I’m working on. I hear myself saying, “Go play,” to my kids a lot. And while I realize that I do need to get my work as a wife and keeper of my home done while they’re playing, it’s also good for me to take quick 10-15 minute breaks from my work and go throw a basketball or frisbee with them. In the winter I can sit down and build a puzzle and eat popcorn or play a board game. When they think back to their childhood someday I want them to remember me playing with them, not me sending them away to play so I can get the dishes done.

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Extra: Slow down your mornings (if you can)

This comes with the “if you can” disclaimer, because I realize that not everyone can do slow mornings. If you homeschool it’s pretty easy to work this in though, and I know that many of you do homeschool, so I wanted to share what this looks like for us.

Between 7:00-8:00am is when the kids wake up. They get up one or two at a time and come out all foggy-eyed to the living room. We pull back the shades to let the morning light in and almost every morning I end up in the large arm chair in the living room with a steaming mug of coffee nearby. I have one child who comes out wrapped up in his blanket and sits beside me and another one who always wants a picture book first thing in the morning. Some of the others just hang out nearby on the couch or floor while we all “wake up” for the day together. Sometimes they tell me what they dreamed about. We eat a leisurely breakfast and get daddy out the door to work, and even though it seems like a small thing, it’s made a big difference for us in getting the day started right. When breakfast is over we dive straight into the day’s tasks and don’t stop until lunchtime–but just those few moments right as we wake has become a special time for us to be together.

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To wrap this up, my overall goal for my home is to make it a place of love, a place of learning, and a place of comfort & belonging. I believe that all of the habits listed above move us toward these end goals!